Freedom and Tyranny - Love Stack Conversation #10
Celebrating Independence Day
Note to readers: These thoughts might be a bit too meandering for some - but I invite you to let go of preconceived notions and see where they lead you. Free yourself of the usual confines of your thinking. Come with me on a thought journey from the little lake house to the founding of our nation and an introduction to the inner family members.
Discover where the evolution of our country’s consciousness intersects with that of the human being.
Be brave; that’s where freedom lies and Love grows.
The Questions
My husband and I enjoy spending time with our four and six-year-old grandsons at our little lake house in the woods. That’s where we fish, hike, kayak, swim, and watch the sun rise and set - among other natural wonders. We are away from the city and amongst others seeking the same thing - to experience nature with people who respect it and each other.
The community is a model of self-governance that works to create a safe, peaceful, and well-tended summer getaway. When we are there, I feel at home in my body, our little house, and in the world around me. I am free to wonder, to question, and to think.
On our national holiday, I’ve noticed people using the greeting “Happy Fourth”. That indicates a date on the calendar, a date for celebrating for sure, but celebrating what? We are not celebrating a date on the calendar; we are celebrating independence, our independence from British rule! I wonder when we stopped calling it Independence day.
Before the holiday, I shared with our grandson that we were going to celebrate our nation’s birthday. He asked what we would gift our country on its day. I began wondering about that, too. Those are the questions I am pondering in this Conversation on Independence Day.
Our Nation and Ourselves
Our country fought a war to be self-determining - to be free from the policies of the British government. The people who were making a life in the colonies knew better than rulers living an ocean away, what was needed to make this group of pioneers come together as a nation.
The Founding Fathers declared independence based on truths that seemed both obvious and essential to a just and free society. These truths were derived from both reason and evidence.
The truths that were deemed worth fighting for are:
All men are created equal.
They are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights.
These rights include: life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I propose that these rights are still worth fighting for. But today, we face a new tyrant—not an external oppressor, but an inner one: our own unchecked pursuit of fame, fortune, and the belief that we must get everything we want. In our hunger for more, we have traded our dedication to truth, equity, and justice for personal gain. Forgetting that we are all equal and deserving, we have lost sight of our common goals.
Within each of us lives a whole family of selves. One of them is the inner child—first named by Carl Jung—who is easily swayed by likes and dislikes. The inner child rushes toward what pleases and flees from what displeases. But likes and dislikes can be deceiving; they are not the compass that points us to lasting happiness.
To find something deeper—something more universal—we must call on our inner loving parent. This wise, steady presence can guide us beyond fleeting wants and into choices that serve both our freedom and our shared humanity.
When a child (or an adult for that matter) is attached to what they want, I call it the tyranny of likes and dislikes. In many philosophies, likes and dislikes are referred to as sympathies and antipathies. I use the terms interchangeably.
It is important to be aware of them. They spring from a superficial evaluation of circumstances - based on appearance, comfort, or first impression. Allowing them to decide our actions is basically, a young child's level of perceiving the world.
The Inner Family
We were all once a child and still have an inner child who may emerge when we dislike or are fearful of what is happening. Did you ever notice just before a developmental leap or an expansion in consciousness, the inner child seeks attention? It is the same for children in the outer world; unfinished developmental needs often come forth for a sort of reckoning just before a birthday.
Fortunately, we also have a loving inner parent adept at comforting the inner child who then gets what they really want (loving connection) and lets go of the thing they did not get or the fear of what’s to come.
Those are the aspects of a whole person, a mature individual.
If our country has founding fathers—or parents—then we are the children. Each generation born into the promise, contradictions, hopes, and unfinished work they left us.
We are the ones meant to inherit not just the freedoms they declared, but the responsibility to live up to them—and to expand them for everyone. In this sense, every citizen is a child of that founding vision, called to grow it up, refine it, and pass it on.
We are the children and the stewards. That means we need to look within ourselves to find the inner parents, the caretaker, the wise one who no longer considers only what we like and don’t like (sympathy and antipathy), but is able to go beyond that. If we do it well, maybe we become the wise ancestors someday—leaving behind a home better tended than we found it.
But how do we overcome the tendency to see the world from the level of sympathy and antipathy so we can align with our true intentions?
It is human to have likes and dislikes, but it is divine to rise above them. We do not need to like everything we must do, everyone we meet, or everything we encounter, but we do need to find a way to accept them.
We begin with awareness of likes and dislikes and recognizing the inner child. Awareness is followed by acceptance which leads to reasonable decision-making and constructive action. We don’t have to like something to accept it (which I have found difficult to accept).
We accept unacceptable circumstances because becoming overwhelmed by emotion takes a toll; it robs us of clear perception and the ability to reason. When we can see what is and use reason; we access the inner parent who is able to think and act in a realm beyond personal likes and dislikes.
When we learn to regulate our emotions, to lead with the inner parent aspect of self, we become masters of our own inner world. Rather than looking outside of ourselves for the answers, we can find them within. We can regulate ourselves.
Self-regulation is the ability to manage emotions, so feelings flow like waves on the seashore or energy in motion. Dysregulation is when - instead of feelings coming and going - there is a state of emotional overwhelm which derails brain functioning. The inner child wants what they want and the inner parent is able to give them what they need. Wants and needs are not the same.
I admit that I have enough practice being dysregulated when things have turned out differently than I had planned, to know what I need to do. My Inner child has big feelings that run deep.
With awareness and acceptance, I recognize my inner child’s call for the inner parent to provide self-care - perhaps rest, a conversation, or a walk in the park. In this way, I process the inner child’s emotions so I can let go of complaining, blaming or shaming and find reason. Much like a child in physical form, the inner child needs care.
Don’t abandon the inner child because of embarrassment or shame, take care of them! Neglecting ourselves leads to giving our power away to circumstances, succumbing to the tyranny of likes and dislikes. This blocks new sensory information and learning whereas self-regulation expands the possibilities of growth and learning.
By regulating our emotions, we do not allow circumstances to shift our focus from our intention - what we want - to what we ultimately do not want. We take the inner child out of the driver’s seat (still tending to their needs) and let the inner parent take the wheel.
How we Evolve
The inner child is the imprint of early childhood that stays with us for a lifetime. We can get to know this tender part of ourselves, learn to accept them, and care for them. We can call on our inner loving parent to help us find steadiness—especially when the inner child is tossed about by likes and dislikes.
When we let the loving parent take the driver’s seat, the inner child is comforted. The child still needs to express their feelings, but they don’t need to steer the wheel.
How often do our own likes and dislikes—our immediate reactions—interfere with our ability to meet the moment as it is? The next time you catch yourself bristling with “I want” or “I don’t want,” sympathy or antipathy, try pausing. Broaden your view. There is more available than that first, unbidden reaction.
Don’t worry if your first reaction isn’t your wisest—it rarely is. Notice it, pause, then choose how you wish to respond.
Instead of allowing our wants and don't wants to tyrannize us, we want to free ourselves. It takes time and patience to learn.
We cannot master the whole universe, but with practice, we can master ourselves. The truth is we do not have to get everything we want to be happy. The greatest happiness may come from sharing with others, from being grateful for and enjoying the things we have.
In our nation today, it appears that the agenda is being set by personal likes and dislikes which come and go, instead of the founder’s principles which are ever-lasting. Are we like children being tyrannized by wanting more, more, more?
If we want equity, justice and truth - we can start by honoring the founding fathers/parents letting their voices guide the way. Perhaps that’s the gift we can give on our nation’s birthday. The gift of remembering. When we gather, we can read aloud the Declaration of Independence or the Preamble to the Constitution.
“We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America."
Those words address the greater good, equity, and truth which counter greed, self-centeredness and intolerance. Remembering our founding principles leads to evolution. We need to go back in order to go forward, back to the founding of our nation and bear with me, to the developmental needs of the child.
Where did that come from?
It came from the understanding that in times of turmoil, the inner child becomes fearful, seeks comfort, and wants to be heard! The inner child may want everything they want, but what they really need is good, orderly direction - to be guided by the inner parent and founding principles.
We comfort the inner child not by giving them all they want, but remembering what everyone wants more than anything is peace, justice, and equity.
This wanting for the greater good will never be satisfied by things.
Our nation is being blown about by a tyranny of likes and dislikes, the fears of the young child, a self-centered way of being in the world. It comes from fear of change during a time when strong winds are blowing.
And it is an indication that we the people need to mature and grow - to declare our independence from the domination of likes (sympathies) and dislikes (antipathies), to claim our inalienable rights, and respect the rights of others.
When the inner child cries out, it’s time to go back to basics. Provide comfort where it’s needed and remember our purpose, our rights, and our commonalities. Listen to the words of our nation’s parents, the founding fathers and mothers.
Although stories of the founding mothers have not been well told, the women were there - supporting the effort while raising children, sewing flags, and probably comforting an army of inner children. Here’s to our founding parents!
And here’s to us! I am grateful for readers who are a part of the Love Stack Conversations - and for life, liberty, and the ability to go for what makes me happy in the deepest sense of the world.
Have a happy Independence Day!
Judith, this is wonderful. ❤️