One Gentle Mercy That Transforms Your Story From Survival to Sovereignty
Turning Obstacles into Allies
When it gets dark early, my husband and I like to watch movies. Evenings were once an invitation to soak in the light. Now it’s dark before dinner. So we like to go to the cinema or turn our living room into one.
Serendipitously, we chose to watch three movies that highlighted artists’ struggles to heal childhood wounds while creating art. Two of the artists (Yayoi Kusama and Bruce Springsteen), reached out for help and succeeded in both healing and constructing an artists’ life.
But for the artist who insisted on doing it herself - her creativity became a destructive force, too much for her to handle. She (Maria Callas) refused treatment and self-medicated which led to her career and life being cut short.
After watching films, my husband and I discuss them. We review the story, look for take-aways relevant to our experience, and decide whether it’s one to recommend.
How did these life stories align with what I am currently experiencing? I’ll tell you how, but first, I want to acknowledge that when I follow my intuition or inner knowing, I am led to what my soul is seeking.
While searching for something else, I recently came across documentation of my divorce nearly four decades ago. It shook me deeply; I felt ashamed of what I had experienced. For days, I was irritated and easily upset.
Nudged by the message in the movies I’d seen, I recollected that I knew what to do and I wrote a post about the inner aspects of self. Then I looked within and connected with the inner child who was seeking validation and the inner teen looking for love.
When I look within to heal, I become whole. (a link to the post)
And I discovered the inner loving parent knew what to do. My soul was uplifted!
Like the artists in the films who struggled and got help and healed, so did I! I now realize my struggles (including my divorce) led to a life-changing transformation - from victim to victor.
The divorce was about thirty-seven years ago, the moment has been in the rear view mirror for a long time. But when I read the notes in the file, residual shame paid me a visit. Their content felt familiar and unfamiliar at the same time.
Did I really have a moment when I was subjected to dishonesty, disrespect, and the raw sting of abandonment? Yes I did. But what I did at that moment was what made all the difference. I created a new life for myself and my daughter.
I now know that when I abandon my self, it’s only a matter of time before others abandon me, too. What I also know, in the meantime, is that although I took action on behalf of my young daughter, I neglected my own inner child.
You know what they say about putting on your oxygen mask before helping another? Looking back, I recognize that personal growth provided the oxygen I needed to make many changes, but until I acknowledged the abandoned inner child, something was missing.
What was revealed and hurt most about that moment, was that in my first marriage, I had abandoned a foundational aspect of myself. When I first came to that awareness decades ago, it jarred me into taking responsibility for my life and coming back to myself. But I could only heal one layer at a time.
And now, reflecting on the notes in the file, I have uncovered core truths and resurrected the inner child. She heralds in a return to innocence, releasing lurking resentments triggered by the memory. A deeper sense of trust in myself and in Life has been restored.
During the time of my divorce, I took action. I went to therapy, found a church where I cultivated a relationship with a Higher Power and community, and finished a degree in education to open up opportunities compatible with single parenting.
Then I got a job in a school where my daughter could attend preschool. At times, we walked there - always a bonus. In the winter, I remember pulling her in a sled which was fun for both of us.
Little by little, I came back to myself, my goals, my values, and right relationship with the universe. Although, as a child, I was a victim of abuse by a great uncle, I was no longer a child; it was time to realize my power and agency as an adult.
I accepted that childhood events had skewed my sense of selfhood, boundaries, and worth as a human being. It took the experience of my first marriage to wake up to what I needed to do. Since I wanted and deserved Love, I needed to cultivate it within.
Aligning my actions with Love led me to my destiny path. That’s when doors opened into a world beyond what I could have imagined. A parent in the school where I taught, introduced me to my current husband, the man I have been happily married to for thirty-five years!
You could say that was being at the right place at the right time, but not only that. It was having a heart that was open and full of Love.
Looking back on that moment and remembering the details of what happened, I now see that instead of being disgraceful, it was pivotal. At that time, by facing what was happening, I became the heroine of my own life story.
And now, looking back on the notes I uncovered, I have resurrected the inner child. You could say I have come full circle.
Could I have transformed without the painful experiences? I think not, so I accept them for the catalyst they were. They were the challenges I needed to face on my journey. There is no growth without challenges.
Rather than feeling demoralized by a memory of adversity, I am celebrating the life I have! Viewing the arc of my story over more than three and a half decades, presents a picture that softens obstacles both in the past and present.
It puts my life in perspective. My heart is filled with gratitude. I no longer feel irritated and upset about the notes for the divorce attorney that I found in the file.
No, I feel triumphant! When I did what was mine to do, Life took care of the rest.
Motivated by challenges, I continue to learn, face uncomfortable truths, and address what needs healing.
Have you ever considered the arc of your life story? Have obstacles offered you an opportunity to show your strength, find your helpers, and your destiny path?
Mine did. The secret is not to let shame or bitterness take root. Today I feel awash with mercy toward myself and my ex-husband.
That’s the story of how I was transformed by Love and became the author of my own life story.
Looking back to gather up nuggets of wisdom and come full circle, I am connecting the wonder-filled inner child with the wise woman I am becoming.
When the driving force that shapes my story is Love, obstacles transform and a softer, warmer, and more light-filled world is revealed.
And that, dear readers, is the power and wonder of Love.
I am launching a subscriber benefit called “Where Wisdom Meets Wonder” filled with poetry, reviews, and responses to “Ask Omi” questions. Feel free to send your questions. Responses will be included in the WWMW. Anonymity is suggested. Thanks for subscribing to the Love Stack!
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